Wednesday, 12 November 2014

Words And Me Thinking Out Loud!!



…….I thought love was supposed to be a golden rose, and the heart its vase. I thought it was to grow and the heart to beat faster in anticipation. It is at first, but then the thorns begin to pierce the heart and the flower’s golden hue fades into non-existence as it passes slowly away. The heart left pierced slowly cracks as the flower dies, and then there exists a void where once that flower bloomed. You only get that golden rose once in a lifetime. The void never ceases to exist no matter how you try to replace it. You will find a tulip here, a carnation there. You may even chance upon the rarest of orchids, but you will never be able to fill the void left by the passing of that one true love, that golden rose. You may not admit it, but it is seen in the argument you have with your new flower, or maybe the faults you find within it—A broken stem, a drooping leaf, a faded color. Whatever it may be, it will cause that void in your heart to grow and grow as the crack widens. If you ever find your golden rose, cherish it for what it is and nurture its growth for your growth depends on it as well. Then again, I am nothing more than a raving lunatic.


When I was young, I believed that love in its purest form was simply loving someone and not expecting anything in return. Simply loving a person because of who they were and how they affected your life. Loving them for the sake of loving them. That can be a painful kind of love, for at some point you start to want the object of your affection to see you, and then to love you as well.

I miss that pure love that heart that once beat for someone even when they didn't know you existed.

When I was young I believed in so much. I believed that the person you first love to was the person that you would spend your whole life with. That's what I knew in my heart. I found out all too quickly that was not the case. That knowledge damaged my whole belief system, and yet to this day I still yearn for that dream. That the person I lie beside will be beside me until I pass from this earth.

As a child I saw beauty in almost everything, even the grotesque. My favorite flower is the orchid for encompassing the beautifully grotesque unique look that reminds me of love. So many colors, so many shapes, so horrifically beautiful, as if a mad man created it from some hallucinogenic dream where he thrashed about with brush and canvas and created chaos from nature.

I am neither man, nor child, for I feel the years that have passed and yet I pass through time believing in the same fantasies that I held true as a child. I yearn for dragons, and count change to pay the bills. I write my heart out in a dream and awake to cold realities of broken windows and freezing winds.

Through all, I believe in that pure love, but I realize it is tainted, and yet I yearn for the dream of it every waking hour.......

2 comments:

  1. Hi Chef,

    How eloquent, poignant, thought provoking but sad! You express yourself beautifully.

    When you get a bit older i.e. 50+ you cannot help but ask, Is love blind or is it "as blind as you want it to be"?


    What if it was glaringly loop sided, never reciprocated, trashed at every turn? Abused, taken for granted, slaved out, a door mat to many, a donkey at ones beck and call, a toilet paper used and abused, chewed and spat out, isolated, controlled, labeled a certified fool when you are not?, what if you were to be seen and not heard? what if your sweat 24/7 is all that mattered? what if spreading you thin was ones forte and dropping dead a wish? what if the ultimate is orchestrating your demise for your success is their headache? what if jealousy, criminality is invoked and, its the grave or burst?

    Love with one eye open and a foot outside the door Chef! And as for your heart, open a "crack " at a time buddy!



    ReplyDelete
  2. hey there,
    Love your reply, advice (Is love blind or is it "as blind as you want it to be"?) touching, something to think about. Many, many thanks

    ReplyDelete